A Chance

I almost did something like to Dr. Cyndi Post call . . .

But I value my life.

Sincerely,
Lawtonious Funk

He was coming right for me.

I just ran over a turtle in my driveway. I didn't see it. I just heard this loud bang. I asked Cyndi what it was. She saw the whole thing going down, but couldn't find the words to stop me. Then, I tried to make her get my mom and sister to clean it up when they got in town. (They're coming to town for the induction.) I didn't tell Cyndi, but I'm pretty sure he was alive when I scraped him off the concrete and threw him in the trashcan.

Clemson

You know why you don't see posts of the USuCk's victory over Clemson on youtube? It's because they haven't won since it was created. This is our 'horrible' team from last year.

The Internet is Down!!!

And by internet, I mean Facebook, and by facebook, I mean I can't play Mafia Wars. I can't protect my Mafia! The horror. The Horror!!!

You have my gra ahahahahahahhhahah!

PS3

I broke down and bought a PS3 this weekend. Watched "Quantum of Solace" on Blue Ray. I still have to buy the remote and the component cable.

That's pretty crappy that the PS3 doesn't just have a regular component cable output. Anything for an extra buck.

As for the remote, I have no problem using the controller, but I think Cyndi will freak out if she ever tries to figure it out.

For now, I plan on downloading game demos and renting games and movies. Any suggestions for good games?

What really sold Cyndi on it was seeing a PS3 in Blockbuster with a football game on. She thought it was a real game. I can't freaking wait to get one of those, but I'd like to learn a little bit of the theory of football formations and strategy. Any suggestions?

Thanks,
Lawtonious "What's that smell? Oh, that's me and I'm spoiled rotten" Funk

LAVA LAMP (ACOUSTIC) AVAILABLE ONLINE

My latest Album, "Lava Lamp (Acoustic)" is available for purchase online now! Follow the following link or just click the picture of the CD on the right sidebar:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/willlawton2

This is available for download as well as a CD! Lava Lamp will be available on itunes, amazon, etc in the about 5 weeks, but you can purchase it from CDBaby.com right now!

I hope you guys enjoy it!

30 second samples of each song are available at CDBaby. However, if you click on the wah-wah pedal and go to the official site, you can listen to full songs (streaming). If you sign up as a fan on that site you can listen to even more original music and will be able to download other music in the near future!

Sincerely,
Lawtonious Funk

I'm Batman.

I used to watch the Batman cartoons back when I was a kid. Anyway, there was this one episode where Scarecrow gets into everyone's head and torments them using some sort of biological warfare. (Sounds familiar, right) He basically would scare the crap out of them and make them do things.

Well, the Scarecrow tried that shit on Bruce Wayne and it failed. You see, the Scarecrow was saying things like, "You'll be never escape Bruce..." Well, Batman fights off the fear gas and wins. Later, Robin asks him, "How did you know you were under control? How did you beat him?"

Batman Replies, "Because when I think to myself, I don't call myself Bruce Wayne. I'm Batman."

I really thought that was a sweet episode. Who do you call yourself when you are thinking about things? Do women think, "Okay, Wonder Woman, lets do this."? Do other guys say, "Alright Magyver, you can figure this out."?

Do any of you guys refer to yourself as different people? (Hey Dumbass, don't screw this up. Okay Buddy, let's do this! Don't listen to him, Dumbass, you're an idiot. FLAME OFF!) Do you have angel/demon debates with different voices? All I'm saying is, maybe you should get some help.

My point is. How crazy is too crazy? Obviously Bruce Wayne had some issues, but I think Batman had his shit together. Wait, what?


Sincerely,
Lawtonious "Don't listen to this Dumbass" Funk

Live Show Recording

I bought a Belkin TuneTalk voice recorder and used it to record my show at the Tipsy Teapot last weekend. After much heartache, I figured out how to get music off of an Ipod, and I retrieved the 2.5 hours of music I recorded. Well, thus far, I have listened to a couple songs. The recording sounds okay except every now and then there is a high pitched screeching sound.

Needless to say, this will not do. I'm looking into buying a different recording device. I like the Zoom H4, but I haven't really researched anything. Also, I don't have $250 lying around for a recorder. So, I'll probably continue to use the Tunetalk so that I can review shows and improve (hopefully) my performance.

I will still post a few recordings on my reverbnation.com site. I was going to put these up only for fans, but since the records have their faults, I'll probably allow them for anyone to download. Currently, songs from "Blue Horizons" and "Lava Lamp (Acoustic)" are on the site for streaming only.

I'll post again when I get some songs uploaded.

Sincerely,
Lawtonious "SCREEECH" Funk

Awesome.

I want to find this trail . . . and watch someone else ride it. (Hey, you've seen the whole of my jumping abilities below.)

DMB . . . this one's for you Wha!

Every Dave Matthews Band Song Ever -- powered by Cracked.com

New Music for Fans

So,

My new music site is reverbnation.com/willlawton. If you notice the music player on the right does not have as many songs as it used to. Well, you can still listen to most of that music. If you go to my reverbnation site and sign up as a fan, you'll be able to stream/download fan exclusive music. As of right now, the entire new album, "Lava Lamp (Acoustic)" is available for fans (streaming only.)

I will add unreleased songs and live performances for download as I play shows. So, if you'd like to get new version of "The Beer Song" or unreleased songs (Big Jim, Ramshackle Blues, etc) all you have to do is sign up as a fan.

I would think that you wouldn't want to sign up because no one wants a spam email every week from some starving artist. Well, to date, I have sent four official newletters (since 1999). That adds up to less than one email every two years. I have no plans on harrassing my fans and friends.

So, check the reverbnation site for the latest music, and check back here for updates on the status of "Lava Lamp (Acoustic)." I should be getting the album in a couple weeks, and it should be available on line a few weeks after that.

You have my gratitude,
Lawtonious Funk

Care of Collegehumor.com

You think this is all a joke? So did these old ladies. Now they're dead.

Watch 1976 Swine Flu PSA and more funny videos on CollegeHumor

Blue Clay Trails - Wilmington, NC

Here are a couple pictures of a trip Kyle, Casey, Heather, and I took to Blue Clay trails. You can check out the rest on facebook. These sum up my stunting ability. No, really, that's all I got. If you want to see some cool stunts. Check out the pictures of Kyle.I'm a lot better at log piles now.

I believe I can fly!

You wish you had my skillz.

Sincerely,
Lawtonious "Air" Funk

Recording of the Acoustic Album is Finished!

The Lava Lamp (Acoustic) album is almost completely done! I have finished recording all of the songs, and most of the artwork is for the cover is complete. If you'd like to hear a rough cut of the music, you can listen to the entire album on the sidebar player. If you go to reverbnation.com/willlawton (or just click the wah-wah pedal) you can see read all of the lyrics as well. I am still refining the mastering so some of the volume/pan/effects of the tracks will be touched up (think DMB's Lilleywhite Sessions vs. Busted Stuff) .

For as much as I built this album up in my head, recording was surprisingly easy. I guess I've been performing most of these songs for a fewyears. Of course, I wrote and recorded, "Wild and Free" from 1:30 to 3:30AM on a Saturday. So, the acoustic version you hear of it is basically the first time the song was played. I like to record songs as I write them because I can capture the feel of the song even if I don't have all of the lyrics/chords, yet.

"Southern Groove" is also a completely new song on the album. I have been kicking around the idea of having a good southern fried funk song on the album with a cool harmonica part and a slide guitar for quite a while. I actually wrote the hook for SG a few months ago, and forgot it. We were headed out to see a movie, and I didn't record a rough track of it - just like that it was gone. This was pretty upsetting for me because I hadn't written a line of music in two years. At the time Cyndi implied it sounded like crap and didn't really understand why I was brandishing a frying pan and screaming like a lunatic, but she only heard what I was actually playing which was far worse than what I was attempting to play;) The night my sister went into labor, it came back. Being that I was in a great mood, I wanted to write about what makes me happy . . . This happened at about 11:00PM while Cyndi was sleeping downstairs (getting up at 5 to go to work.) I wasn't going to screw up and forget this one without recording it first. So, I recorded a couple guitar parts as quietly as I could. I stumbled on the a cool guitar lick for the verses and that was all she wrote.

I'll be sure to let you all know when/where the album will be available for purchase. I will only be making 100 CD's of the acoustic album to start out as I have to save money for the little Funker in my wife's belly.

You have my gratitude,
Lawtonious Funk

Oh, No, Not Again . . .

So,

One of the guys at work always listens to music on youtube. Well, he kept downloading and playing Joe Cocker's version of "A little Help From My Friends."

It made me think, "I kind of like this song. Wasn't this the theme song to-DAMN IT! KEVIN NEVER GOT WINNIE!! FUCKING WONDER YEARS."

That is all,
Lawtonious "It's just not right." Funk

The President's Speech at G20 (sans Teleprompter)

"So, an Indian, a Frenchman, and the Pope are all on a plane. The pilot says, "Hey, are any of you not circumcised?" So the Pope lifts up his robe and says, "Shut up, stupid! You don't even speak English!" The Israeli asks the Japanese guy to open his eyes, but the Japanese man says, "I'm not squinting you crazy Jew, you're the one who sold me these cheap glasses!" What's the difference between a Belgian and a lump of dog shit? The Belgian drinks wine, but the dog shit smells good."

Charlie the Unicorn

Lava Lamp

I've recorded the acoustic version of Lava Lamp, the title track to my new album. You can listen to it in the window on the right. I am adding lyrics to the reverbnation site. In the meantime, here are the lyrics to Lava Lamp:

“Lava Lamp”

Will Lawton

I can see the way she turns the world around her soul to burn.

Twisting every movement to a sensual display.

Frolics in the night again intentions are so evident,

And all the boys are hoping they can be her next mistake.

He’ll walk her calmly to her car two blocks from the city bar,

Hoping for a motion of continued escapade.

She’ll ask him in when they get home, her roommate gone they’re all alone,

And timing’s such a hassle in this game of give and take.

Fostering in melting pieces

Bent and blended through the light

Heaven knows she looks so radiant tonight

Often yields an imitation

Of fallen pantomime

Captivated by sweet Aphrodite’s fire

She wakes to find the man is gone. He’s left his number on her phone,

The night before. She’s almost sure this time it won’t be fake.

She calls him up in seconds flat and gets the local Laundromat.

Suddenly, she finds she isn’t feeling very clean.

Falls for all the lines.

Wrong at every turn.

Don’t she know she’ll just get burned?

Sleeping in the fire.

Will she ever learn?

Don’t she know she’ll just get burned?

The Lava Lamp is Warming Up

As you can see, things have been changing in the world of Lawtonious Funk. I have updated my blog to reflect my new information regarding my new music site at reverbnation.com (click the wah-wah pedal.) "Lava Lamp" my upcoming new album is actually progressing. I will be releasing two cds. One will be the full blown album and the other will be a stripped down version of the music titled, "Lava Lamp (Naked)." As I record, I'll be posting my music to the music player on the left. So, you can stream any song you like to get a taste of what's to come.

I hope to have the acoustic CD done first and released in the next couple months. This will be a limited release used to promote the upcoming full band album. All songs will be available for purchase online as well.

Well, I have to get back to my day job. Working makes the time go by much faster:)

Sincerely,
Lawtonious Funk