The Wonder Years vs. Sci-Fi

So,

 

I went on a sales trip up to Chicago, and learned about lights (dined at Smith and Wolensky’s-Best steak ever).  I’ll talk about the trip in another post, maybe. 

 

Anyway, we had to travel from one lighting company to another and I spent a couple hours in a minivan staring out the window.  At one point, I saw a detached garage with a basketball goal attached to it, and thought, “That looks just like Kevin’s house on the ‘Wonder Years.’”

 

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks – Kevin never got Winny.  I remembered watching the recap where the actress that played Kevin’s Mom was crying saying the public was robbed of the happy ending they deserved.  I remembered laughing at her, and then, it hit me – Kevin is never going to get Winny.  Not ever-never. Son of an f’n B.

 

Now, let me explain why this is so upsetting to me and others like me.  I watch television to detach from reality.  In reality, when you go into a bar and everyone knows your name, you’re an alcoholic.  On television, you’re ‘NORM!!’  Everyone loves you and hijinx ensue.  In reality, when you graduate from college – you never get to hang out with your good friends on a regular basis again.  You meet new people, but spend most of your time working and life is filled with projects at the house, marriage, kids, and whatever else to keep you busy until you die because you’re never going to hang out and relax with a good group of friends on a regular basis again.  On TV, you meet your friends for Coffee for three hours every morning and all go to Europe together.  In reality, you rarely marry the first girl you kiss, the first girl you say you love, your first crush, or sweetheart you had in middle school.  On television, Kevin doesn’t get Winny?!?!

 

WTF?!?! 

 

Then it occurs to me, you know why Kevin is looking back on those years as his years of “wonder.”  It’s because he’s looking at his trophy wife and little bastard kids, and wondering what went wrong.  Oh, he can rationalize it all he wants, but no man spends that much effort telling you how much they were in love with someone their entire childhood up to adulthood and still writes them unless they think they made a big F’n mistake.  In short, “Wonder Years,” is obviously Kevin’s suicide note to world.  He had real love, and now all he has is a memory and a mortgage.

 

That’s not television, my friends-that is the single most depressing story I have ever heard.  (Short of ‘Message in Bottle’ of course.)  And you know what, I’m p’d off.  If I wanted to know that not everyone is captain of the football team or Chess club, or makes it big in a rock band, I needed only go outside.  I am well aware of my mediocrity.  So, don’t’ tell me a story about an average guy finishing somewhere in the middle.  I don’t need to spend years of my f’n life hoping and waiting for some character on a TV show to get his happy ending only to have the cruel mirror of reality held up like some kind of sick f’n joke’

 

 

And that, my friends, is why I watch Sci-fi.

 

Live long and funk the hot green chick,

Lawtonious “Na-Nu, Na-Nu” Funk