Funk VS. Wild - "The Bike Post Trail"

I’ve just driven up to the Greenville, NC’s Bike Post Trail. This is mountain biking trail was designed on private land in a hilly portion on the outskirts Greenville. It is 7 PM and I am going to bike my way around the trail and try not to get hurt or lost. I have my mountain bike, my camel back (backpack canteen), my cellular, a helmet, and some biking gloves.

(30 minutes later)

Well, I’ve just taken my first spill over the handle bars in 4 years. I’m okay, but I think I better turn in for the day.

(15 minutes later)

I seem to be a little off route. I tried to cut a corner and head straight back to the car, but I don’t think I’m going the right way.

(10 minutes later)

I have just passed a 5 mile marker sign. I tried to follow it out, but it led me in a circle back to the sign. I’m perplexed. I’ve drank over half my water.

(15 minutes later)

I have doubled back on myself, but I cannot find the trail back. The only way to get out of this trail without cycling endlessly in circles is to take the outside of every loop until I ride the entire 7 miles and return to my car. I was exhausted 30 minutes ago, but I seem to feel nothing now. I found some red markers, but they have led me in a circle. Someone has torn most of them down and/or repositioned them. If I find the bastard that did this, I'll kill them. The adrenaline is working. ¾ of my water is gone.

(20 minutes later)

I’ve taken a couple minor spill, but I now have the nerve and the ability to take on most of the hills. While this would normally be exhilarating fun, it’s getting dark-fast. My shirt is drenched, and I can’t feel my legs, but I have found the path I was originally on at the beginning. As long as I get to the end before it gets dark, I’ll be fine. However, there are several paths at the beginning that lead to a huge gorge. I have neither the skill or energy to take on that hill. If I ride it in the dark, I’ll break something. The beginning of the paths is also wrought with turns that could easily lead me back into the woods if I cannot see. I’m getting worried, but I’m not calling anyone, yet. I’m afraid to drink anymore water. I’ll need that for later.

(5 Minutes later)

I can see the gorge, but I can also see the road 10 feet away. I’m riding over the ditch and taking the road back to the car. I’m not getting lost this close to the jeep.

(5 minutes later)

There’s a dog in the road. I not getting bit by some mangy mutt 20 yards from my jeep. I’m make noise to let him know I’m coming. When I get close enough I see he isn’t a big dog and he has a collar. He’s also smiling. I’m getting to the jeep fine.

(10 minutes later, the ride home)

It just turned pitch black. I made it to the jeep just in time. I tried to go on a 30 minute mountain bike ride and it turned into 1:40 minutes of pure T hell.

I’m going back on Saturday-with a compass and a map. I may have gotten turned around, but I didn’t completely lose my head or my morale, and I had a pretty good time. I always had my phone to get me out.

I’m calling this a win.

Wild: 1

Funk: 1

Sincerely,

Lawtonious Funk