Lawtonious Funk: 30 Something

So, It has finally arrived-the end of my 20s. I don’t feel any different. I’ll be honest, though, birthdays have not always been good to me. Here’s few notable B-days from the past 10 years . . .

1. 2006-29 – I worked 15 hours because my boss found out I passed the PE and she didn’t. She gave me an impossible deadline and went home early. This coincides with having my vacation retracted, working on that following Saturday, and then getting bitched out because I left work 15 minutes early on Monday to make the 3+ hour drive to Wha’s 4^th party in Charlotte. To all the fine people at RMF-fuck you. I hope your children get thrown under a bus.

2. 2005-28– We (Cyndi and I, She’s suffered through this, too, and agrees that my birthday is cursed.) dodged it. Nothing happened. I count that one as a win. If I don’t have a tramatic memory, it must have been pretty good, or so bad that I’ve blocked it out. Either way, I won.

3. 2004-27– We buried my wife’s grandmother on my birthday.

4. 26 – we were supposed to have my parent in town to Augusta for the first time in 3 years. Instead, we rushed to the Columbia, SC hospital because my sister’s pregnancy had taken a turn for the worse. Thank God, everything worked out okay, because Houston is the man.

5. 2003-25 - This was my first working-man’s birthday. I was actually taken out on a boat with some friends after work and we went up and down the Savannah river. At the time, I was sad because I lived alone in a city, and I was not going to see my family. In retrospect, I had some good friends to arrange that for me.

6. 2002-24 – I knew I was going to dump my ex, but I had to wait until after my sisters wedding to do it. Now, we had been on the rocks for most of our relationship, but the knowing flat out it was over, and not being able to act was torture.

7. 2001-23- No memorable drama!

8. 2000-22 No memorable drama!

9. 1999-21-This is the first birthday I had after my grandmother passed. It was particularly sad because I was born on her birthday.

So far today has been great. I got some new darts for my dart board from my in-laws (they always get really cool presents), and Cyndi gave me two 1-hour massage gift certificates and . . . a Barcardi Reserva Limitida bottle of rum. They only made one batch of these when they opened the factory in San Jose. It is the best rum I will ever have. I’ll going to watch a Pirates movie and say, “Why is the rum gone?” all night long! I’ve lost 3.5 pounds in the last two weeks! (small victories count, I’m going to focus on the positive damnit!) And my new job is going very very well. I am anxiously awaiting the ridiculous happy birthday phone calls my mom/sisters give me, and I am hoping for a normal day. I don’t need fireworks, but I could go without the house fire.

Regretfully yours,

Lawtonious “30!!!-I don’t even have a tattoo, yet” Funk