I watch the comedy central when I go home for lunch. Here are couple pseudoquotes from comedians: (I don't remember word for word, unless its a song.)
"At some point in his life, every guy realizes he's not going to go pro."
"I used to leave notes to my roommates that would make them frantic. Here are some notes:
Brad, don't worry but there is a squirrel in your room. Got to Run.
Erik, I didn't have time to get the details but your mom is in the hospital with a broken hip and your dad is in jail. I you need more information just turn on CNN."
Somewhere around 25 I too realized I was not going pro. It's a funny feeling. I could easily picture the squirrel note at Woodland Circle.
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Jarrod, you slept through Thursday.
How about:
Guys, I put a pizza in the oven last night. Someone wake me up when it's done.
- J-Rod
Guys,
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar.
Brad, get out now, I have her cornered in a room, get out of the house NOW.
It's raining in the basement.
Caller: May I speak to Jarrod.
Brad: I think he's asleep.
Caller: Oh, just don't answer, I'll call him back.
Brad: Ok?!?
2nd Caller (on machine): Jarrod!! Jarrod, get up and come to work. JARROD. JARROD.
Harry: YOU STUPID BITCH!!! RUN. RUN. BITCH (BAM BAM BAM BAM)
Brad: What the hell was that?
Will: That's Harry watching 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer.' He talks to the television. Screams at it. Mostly at around 1 in the morning. Is it hot in here?
I have a bunch of notes to put on here but will post them one by one.
1. Jarod's 15 messages on the answering machine after being Heathered. "C'mon guys pick up, is anyone there, Brad now I know how you feel"
[generic name],
Some girl called... something about you being the father?
This one occured while in the midst of a Jack Daniels Haze inducing golf outing with the regular 4 idiots.
Phone rings and I pick up after figuring out that I can't answer my putter. I proceed to speak to the one we shall call bilemann (it rhymes!)
me: hello?
b: uhh what happened last night?
me: we all got pretty messed up and now we are golfing, whats going on?
b: I just woke up and my laptop isn't working
me: Well I don't think anyone made it into your room last night
b: And my desk is wet, I think someone spilled water on my desk
me: like I said I didn't see anyone in your room.
This went on with b trying to assemble the previous nights events and he hung up to think on his own. About 3 holes later I get another call from him claiming that he has figured out what he believes has happened to his laptop and it involves a Lawton laundry tradition and a mispercieved bathroom utility with a flip top...similar to a laptop! Anyways that just put the drunk golf boys over the edge. Good Lord 300 Woodland circle, those were the days.
If I'm not mistaken, we didn't even hear from Bilemann until just after we made the turn that day. I think we heard back from him when we were at the tees on 12. That's fairly sad on his part, because even those of us that went golfing were playing Sega Genesis (Mortal Kombat I think) and some NES games well before we made it to the course.
And I don't think I have ever, EVER seen that many empty containers of Red Bull and Jagermeister.
Yes I do believe we incurred a spike in Jager/Red bull sales that weekend, of course I was surprised that we could actually fill a freezer with Jager. And I do believe that Bileman screaming JAGERBOMB every 15 minutes had nothing to do with any of that weekends happenings....nothing at all
If I am not mistaken, each Pendleton House (I've got some cool pictures that I'm going to post soon) resident had at least a liter of Jager and at least a dozen cans of Red Bull. I recall the entire kitchen being a sticky mess on the 2nd day of Faloon-A-Palooza.
All I know is, I felt like I was going to die the rest of the weekend. I tried to drink again at 9 the next evening. I promptly went and lied down in another room. It felt like someone has played bongos on my rib cage. I just remember Hugging Ben refilling Jarrod and my cups every time we looked away. I can't drink Jager Bombs anymore, and I just started drinking Jager again. I hate you Ben. Ben are you out there? I hate you.
Dude, two weeks and no new funk? What's up chief?
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