Fraud Vs. Wild

Well,

 

They’ve finally said what anyone who watched the show suspected . . . Man Vs Wild is a fraud.  Apparently, while Bear Grylls was on a deserted island, the island was Hawaii and he stayed in a motel some of the night.  Oh, he had some help making his rafts, shelters, etc.

 

I guess I should go ahead and make some confessions about my “Funk Vs. Wild” blogs now:

 

When I said I was lost Mountain biking and I had drank most of my water and that it took hours for me to get out of there and I got out just before dark, that wasn’t entirely true.  I’ve never been mountain biking.  I don’t even own a bike.  I was actually just playing MarioKart Double Dash and imagining myself doing something fun.

When I said “Man vs Wild” is the best show on television. . . . total bullshit.  I’ve never seen the show.  I was just eating milk duds and watching a “Family Guy” episode where Peter and Chris were lost in the woods, or maybe it was Bart and Homer on the Simpson.

 

I’ll be sure to make my next posts as honest and forthright as possible . . . as long as that does not conflict with telling a good story.

 

 

Sincerely,

Lawtonious Funk

 

PS  My name isn’t really Lawtonious Funk . . . it’s a nickname given to me by a Tibetan monk on my 21^st birthday after we smoked some really good  . . .

PSS.  I didn’t really get my nickname from a monk . . . but the guy was into one of those other religions.

PSSS  Okay, I don’t know crap about the guys religious beliefs.  I think it went down like this . . .”What’s that smell . . . Lawtonious Funk.” 

PSSSS.  No, that’s not really when I got the nickname.  It is however, how I kept it.  I have a natural musk.

PSSSSS  Okay, okay, it’s not natural, it is a filthy stench gained from sleeping with dead hookers.

PSSSSSS I’ve never slept with a hooker.  I’m too cheap.  Honestly, though, I shower more often now.

PSSSSSSS Yeah, about that shower thing . . .