Fun with Telemarketing

Since moving to the great state of NC, I’ve been harassed almost every day by telemarketers during dinner.  I usually answer because I think it is my wife calling on her 10 minute break from work when she works her 27 hours straight shifts.  On that note, I can always tell it’s a telemarketer, from this point on referred to as an Asshat (thanks again Nobrainer), because there is a pause between when I pick up the phone and said Asshat starts talking.  This pause presumably is actually me being taken off of hold.  Well, I’ve started coming up with ideas of how to screw with them  Here’s what I got so far:

 

1. The Fake Hold (My personal Favorite)

AH:  Is Cynthia Lawton there?

(They always want Cyndi.  Her name is on the bills.  Her names on the 200 G’s of debt, and her name begins with Dr.)

            Funk:  Hold on.  I think she’s walking in now.  Let me get her for you. 

(click)

 

2.  The Murder Scene (If call is answered on the first ring.)

AH:  May I speak to Cynthia Lawton?

Funk:  Honey, put down the knife.  You don’t want to do this.  Look I’m calling the cops.  (dial ‘1’ three times.  Try to talk on the phone.  Simulate death scene. Hang up.) 

 

3. The Switchback

AH:  May I speak to Cynthia Lawton?

Funk:  (spoken in rich southern accent) I’m sorry this is the home of Jugdeesh Patel.  You must have dialed the wrong number. 

(click)

 

 

Feel free to add your own advice to my simple ideas.  I’d love to do something really fun.

 

Thanks,

Lawtonious Funk